The Fleeting Winter Closeout Sale: Everything MUST GO!

  • Three (3) Foam Hands. Approx. 250% larger than average human hand, and cartoony. Digit configuration: index finger extended, all others folded against palm. Two left, one right. Thumbs not opposable. Almost completely silent. Great for indicating things, declaring superiority. Colorways: Navy blue/orange, orange/white, yellow/maroon. Available individually or as a lot. $10 apiece or $25 for all three.
  • One (1) Eye-related Anxiety. Have you ever wanted to endure an irrational fear of having your eye poked, lacerated, or gouged out? Well, now that dread can be all yours. can be upgraded to induce anxiety at the thought of contracting pink eye, having an eyelash in your eye that will not come out, and/or glaucoma tests. Motivated seller (has contact lenses). $100 firm. For now.
  • Eleven (11) eggs (a liar’s dozen). Brown shells, species undetermined. Twelfth egg whereabouts unknown. At times, they wail. Best offer.
  • One (1) White Room Without Corners. No assembly required. All transitional boundaries are hazy and identifiable only after prolonged analysis and negotiation. Clear three-dimensional intersections are non-existent. Perfect for client deprogramming and photo shoots. Entry point available, but sold separately. Contact for price info.
  • Bag of assorted puns, dated quips, and uncle jokes. Many groans, one guaranteed laugh. $3. Will also trade for kazoos (metal only, preferably tin).
  • Matched set of two (2) focused disintegrator pistols, Art Deco styling. Still functional to the best of seller’s knowledge. Brass, copper, molybdenum, and antique carbon nanotubes. Signed by Alphonse Mucha (forged). $1100, semi-negotiable.
  • Foreboding Mystery Box. Black with satiny crimson ribbon, tied in an intricate bow. Never opened. Looked at once, and regretted. Thought of only when absolutely necessary. Price set after new owner takes possession. A disembodied voice only you can hear will tell you what the box will cost you if you look inside. Note: you will open the box. Eventually.
  • Other items which must be seen in person. Contact to set up a appointment. We accept cash, guns, antique typewriters, plasma cutters, friendly non-chess-playing automata and golems (preferably deactivated).

COME ON DOWN!

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