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Oscar Night

Oscar Night — we are encamped just outside the Black Gate to Celebrity Village. The ten-storey doors rumble open just enough to release a floating disembodied mouth.

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Previously on The Hairy Skeleton...

Dirt… From Mars!

ENTHUSIASTIC KID: Hey! Let’s eat some of this dirt from Mars!

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Tolerance ranges vary from deployment to deployment, based on extant arousal levels on the four major indices (fear, anxiety, desire, other).

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House of Haunted Houses.

The barker— a pallid, ectomorphic Jesus in a candy-striped vaudeville suit— stands atop a raised entry platform, swinging his cane and making tricks with his straw hat. He lets a little kid pull a chunk out of his beard; its patchiness suggests he’s been letting children do that for some time.

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Sentimental Favorites

My most beloved word-babies.

Mr. Tompkins Makes The Best Of Sandwiches.

There is a kind of smile only contented elderly men can master, untightened by self-consciousness or significant regret, grown from a life lived as well as circumstances would allow. Pleasant, drowsy, almost beatific, the smile slid onto Mr. Tompkins’ face right after the birth of his first grandchild and had never left, even while sleeping, except for the occasional stubbed toe. The smile didn’t waver as Mr. Tompkins said to the man in black, “You’re the devil, aren’t you?”

The man in black sighed as he folded up the newspaper and slapped it on the table. “Spoilsport,” he said.

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Life Among the Savages

A serial entertainment.

One man’s quest to find a mystical land, and the injuries he incurs while he searches.

Life Among the Savages, Part 22.

‘So we will have to be careful, like spies,’ said my brother. I nodded vigorously – for what young boy does not entertain dreams of being a skilled intelligencer, pursuing secretive duties for crown and country, reliant on wits and nerve alone while plunged deep within enemy terrain?

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A Totally Random Story

Chosen solely by math.

The Fleeting Winter Closeout Sale: Everything MUST GO!

Three (3) Foam Hands. Approx. 250% larger than average human hand, and cartoony. Digit configuration: index finger extended, all others folded against palm. Two left, one right. Thumbs not opposable. Almost completely silent. Great for indicating things, declaring superiority. Colorways: Navy blue/orange, orange/white, yellow/maroon. Available individually or as a lot. $10 apiece or $25 for […]

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