1: “What’re you watching?”

2: “Nothing. Just flipping channels.”

1: “Oh. Hey, you remember Chris?”

2: “Chris with the lazy eye, or bad-tipper Chris?”

1: “No, Chris, with the impressions.”

2: “The good ones?”

1: “Yeah. That Chris.”

2: “What about him?”

1: “I saw him in a commercial today. For shampoo.”

2: “Really.”

1: “Yeah. He was the guy who could really feel it working.”

2: “They still do those?”

1: “I guess. I mean, he was in one.”

2: “Good for him.”

1: “I hear he’s been in several ads. Making a living and everything.”

2: “Some people get all the luck.”

1: “And opportunity.”

2: “Yes.”

1: “And ambition.”

2: “Okay.”

1: “And talent and –”

2: “Point made.”

1: “Uh-huh. Isn’t it nice to see someone we know on television without their face all blurred out?”

2: “Yes. It’s quite an accomplishment for our gang. No pixelated face, no local news, man-on-the-street interviews. Those are the worst.”

1: “Worse than pixel-face?”

2: “Oh, definitely.”

1: “Why?”

2: “On the news, your face isn’t pixelated.”

1: “Ohhhhh.”

2: “Remember when Tony kept getting on the local news, having some stupid talking head wannabe shove a mic in his face and ask his opinion?”

1: “Yeah. Yeah! How many did that happen, like twenty?”

2: “Twenty seven in ten months. He just kept happening by the mobile broadcasting van or whatever it is right when they needed a dopey-looking white guy’s two cents.”

1: “Everybody thought he went looking for the van, but he’d get all pissed off at the suggestion.”

2: “That’s why he broke Shay’s lamp.”

1: “And started drinking a lot. Didn’t he start wearing a mustache because of the news vans too?”

2: “Yeah, he tried to disguise himself, thought the station was picking on him. Wildly different outfits, costumes, radical hair styles. Fake IDs. Worked in reverse though, they seemed to think he was actually a different person.”

1: “Why didn’t he just say no?”

2: “He can’t. He’s really easy to guilt into things. I got him to give me his bike once and I had absolutely no leverage. I just made a authoritatively sad face. Saying no to a giant institution like a TV station would probably kill him.”

1: “Oh, look, there he is!”

2: “There’s no way those suds are real.”

1: “No, I’ve done it. It just takes patience, and a lot of shampoo. And you can’t really care what your hair looks like at the end.”

2: “How much time do you spend in the shower?”

1: “Shh, he’s gonna say it!”

TV CHRIS: “I can really feel it working!”

2: “Genius.”

1: “You’re just jealous.”

2: “No.”

1: “You think if we called him, he’d say it for us?”

2: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

1: “…”

2: “Get the phone.”