(A legible transcript follows.)

 

IMPORTANT WARNING!

Mankind is doomed and pawns of the true masters of this planet, which has not been ours since the dawn of time itself.

Humanity will be nothing more than cannon fodder in the inevitable war between CAT and DOG.

World governments are in collusion with secret factions of canine and feline fifth-columnists and are waiting for the time to be ripe for total and complete takeover by those animals we have historically considered our pets.

WE ARE THE PETS.

Not even pets, but PACK ANIMALS coerced into stepping up the cerebral development of “MAN’S BEST FRIEND” and “MAN’S OTHER NOT AS GOOD FRIEND.”

I have attempted to reveal the truth about DOG and CAT but have been thwarted by the machinations of the vast military-industrial-entertainment complex. Operatives from numerous media outlets have attempted to steal my accounts and evidence of the insidious double conspiracy which threatens our very civilization and freedom so that they could discredit my work.

There is a parasite in cat waste material TOXOPLASMOSIS that has been shown scientifically to cause extreme behavior changes in the brains of common mice. New research shows that brain altering is occuring not only in mice but also in PEOPLE, as parasite enters the human body through close fraternization with the CAT. Symptoms include antisocialism, reclusiveness, erratic behavior and increased affection for cats, among others. THIS IS REAL and any exposure to cat waste means a potential infection by TOXOPLASMOSIS. The intentional infection of civilians with a known pathogen is the dictionary definition of BIOLOGICAL WARFARE (see Webster’s).

DOG meanwhile has shown attempts at convergent evolution, developing close social & cultural bonds to the human since before recorded history. This may seem a benign or accidental development but however it is a calculated manuver intended to indoctrinate human beings into a PRO-DOG stance as a counter measure to the CAT use of GERMS. People think we have been breeding dogs but instead they have been breeding us, encouraging DOG-FRIENDLY persons to reproduce and spread their favoritism toward dogs throughout the gene pool, a form of EUGENICS. Also DOG employs mental infection (Dawkins’s meme) to achieve the same effect — subjugation of humans and the infliction of a non-person-based agenda onto our minds. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE the power of DOG tactics. They are very effective as shown by strong popularity of DOG all over the world.

The true nature was revealed to me due to my status as a former owner (read: SLAVE) of both CAT and DOG simultaneously. As a bystander on the frontline of the conflict I was subjected to the strongest propaganda of both sides and have suffered physically and mentally because of it. CAT and DOG conspired to deprive me of sleep and expose me to harmful pathogens which I had no immunity to and created financial hardship due to my loyalty to their well being and then after weakening my body and mind further DEMORALIZED me by abandoning me in ways typical of their species: DR. CLAWS (american shorthair) escaped from my apartment and never returned likely joining a roaming cell of feline aggressors while BUBBA (terrier lab mix) faked his own death or perhaps was assassinated. In my heart of hearts I feel neither one wanted to do what they did but as my brain is riddled with parasites and I come from a long line of dog loving individuals how can I know if my feelings are my own?

Irregardless my story and the many like it across the world (MAYBE YOU?) it is obvious that with the currently dominant species in the middle of an unpublicized war for its affections and manipulation, SWIFT DRASTIC ACTION MUST BE TAKEN to prevent the whole earth falling into the hands (read: PAWS) of our would-be animal overlords who already have many decent people under their total control.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

• IF YOU DON’T CURRENTLY HAVE A CAT OR DOG, DON’T GET ONE. I know this can be difficult because from a personal standpoint even after I have realized the state of our planet, I still find it hard to resist the idea of bringing another CAT or DOG into my home. I can only assume these feelings are the lingering after effects of their chemical and biological attacks, something resembling DRUG ADDICTION. However humans will need SAFEHOUSES free of CAT or DOG influence and also dander for those with allergies and YOUR SACRIFICE as a non-pet-owner could help TIP THE BALANCE. You will probably have to vacuum less often as well.

• IF YOU HAVE A CAT OR DOG WATCH IT CAREFULLY. Information or intelligence in military jargon is vital to humanity regaining the upper hand in this war, and our only source of information are the CATS and DOGS that live among us. Based on what I said about not getting new pets, you may think it is best to give up your current CAT or DOG. DO NOT DO THIS. You will make your CAT or DOG suspicious, and also sad. WE MUST REMEMBER THAT JUST AS WE ARE UNWITTING PARTICIPANTS IN THIS WAR, SO TOO MIGHT THE CATS AND DOGS WE KNOW AND LOVE BE UNWILLING PARTICIPANTS IN IT. So, if you have a CAT or DOG, keep it and act as though everything was normal, but WATCH IT CLOSELY.

• COMPLETE DISMANTLEMENT OF THE INTERNET (“WORLD WIDE WEB”): it is clear from my research that the internet only exists as a PROPAGANDA MACHINE for both CAT and DOG factions. CATS appear to have at least a small advantage here as large sections of it and many “web sites” consist almost entirely of ADORABLE PICTURES OF CATS, OFTEN DOING HUMAN-LIKE ACTIVITIES. The implications are obvious – THESE CATS WISH TO REPLACE US IN OUR EVERYDAY LIVES. DOGS have also employed this tactic, but as far as I can tell their agit-prop departments are not as large or well-developed. Given the stereotype and instinctual nature of CATS being sneaky, I can see them being natural experts in this branch of warfare.

• IMMEDIATE CREATION OF DMZs (“de-militarized zones”) FOR DOG RESTROOM USE. The hyper involved nature of human cleanup re: dog waste leads me to the theory that DOG is researching some kind of BIOLOGICAL WEAPON of its own. Why else would people have to PICK UP DOG WASTE IN BAGS WITH THEIR HANDS. Clearly human behavior is being altered to increase exposure to DOG waste. The Russians stole American military technology in the COLD WAR. This is NO DIFFERENT. I propose zones where all DOGS must go to the bathroom, stocked with GAS MASKS or possibly HAZMAT SUITS for our protection. Existing “dog parks” could be converted to this purpose. The dogs will not work against this as it will force their hand and reveal their motives. SECRECY AIDS THE CAT AND DOG CAUSE.

• DO NOT LET YOUR CAT NEAR EDGED WEAPONS. I also believe that once human/CAT hostilities become overt, most CATS will reveal themselves to be ninjas (see sneakiness, above).

• The transportation of small dogs in purses must STOP IMMEDIATELY.

I believe these PLUS OTHER MEASURES THAT I CANNOT RELATE VIA PHOTOCOPIED FLYER will help humankind throw off the leash of oppression that the “Thousands-Of-Years War Between CAT and DOG” has thrown about our necks. For more information on the OTHER MEASURES, please contact me directly by phone. The FREE SEMINARS I used to give at the public library are no longer happening, as I am NOT ALLOWED in the library anymore (coincidence?).

Share this information! More humans need to know!!! OUR CIVILIZATION IS AT STAKE!!!!!!

“POWER TO THE “PEOPLE“!”