… and my lunch break is never long enough, but I swore on the lives of my nonexistent children that I would not lapse any further than I already have, move or no move, so here’s some tidbits I feel compelled to share.

If you want to know if you value a material possession, ask yourself “Would I carry this up three flights of stairs?” It’s as good a starting point as any.

I’m not sure why everyone’s so concerned about this campaign finance reform thing. It’s just increasing transparency. Now everyone will be able to see that giant multinational corporations have bought or leased large swaths of our good ol’ government. And the unions, too, just so I can be fair and balanced. Isn’t this kind of clear dealing just the sort of thing we’ve demanded since the giant multinational corporations broke the economy? Seriously, I’m asking. I don’t know what we want anymore.

Peppermint tea: good.

Shakespeare: also good, though being an English speaker born after 1600, I may be a little biased. And being someone who voluntarily completed a degree in English, I may be a little more biased. And as a person compelled to construct sentences and paragraphs and then collections of paragraphs, I am actually quite a bit biased.

But swoopy noises are best of all.

Cheap Swedish furniture, however, is very hit or miss. I may have to make my own furniture. How hard can that be?

And finally, go to the iTunes store and download Donald Antrim reading Donald Barthelme’s story “I Bought A Little City.” Because in its way, it’s better than Shakespeare. Partly because it’s free. It’s under the New Yorker’s Free Fiction stuff.

Go! Go now! Break the website with your mobbishness, my nonexistent readers! I dispatch my children to aid you! They can do nothing! They are just like you! But I love you all just the same!

Till next time (soonly, soonly),
The Hairy Skeleton